Critique Blog Hop Week 8

It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

This week I’m returning to my highest priority work-in-progress – On The Surface. These are the freshest 250 from what I’ve managed to add to it over the past few weeks… my schedule just has not been kind to my creative side lately. These are also the (current) first lines of the second chapter. I’m considering changing the point of view for the story, as I feel it may be more powerful in the first person POV rather than third. Any comments or thoughts on that are welcome!


Liza wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of cleaning up the house. It would undoubtedly be a huge task, and why did they have to sell it anyway? After all, the house was still filled with Pap’s belongings, and most of his wife’s. She just knew her mother would get emotional, and then her dad would become annoyed and the whole thing would go to hell. Just thinking about the impending hours in the old house was exhausting.

They pulled into the cracked cement driveway between the house and the garage. Liza couldn’t help but notice her grandmother’s rose bush was blooming beautiful, bright pink flowers. They were still somewhat closed, like roses that people get for corsages or in arrangements for special occasions. They weren’t exactly buds, but they still had some time before they would open completely. She sighed as they walked past the bush and underneath the overhang.

“I’m so glad you decided to stay home for school, Liza,” her mother said over her shoulder. “You’ll be able to help us get the house ready.”

Before she could stop herself, she rolled her eyes at her mother’s comment. Luckily, though, her mother was in front of her and wasn’t looking. She knew her parents had been nervous about her college decision, but they were not the sole reason she chose to stay home when she could have gone to the state’s best school – three hours away.


Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!



4 thoughts on “Critique Blog Hop Week 8

  1. Pingback: Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop ~ March 17 | To Breathe is to Write

  2. I like the rose description. The description starting with ‘her grandmothers’ makes you feel like she misses her. I peeked through some of your earlier posts since I am late at joining the blog hop. You like flowers 🙂
    One thing I notice is that there is a lot of narration – little dialogue. It may just not be the place for it, but dialogue can move a scene really well.
    The hint at other reasons that she didn’t return to college will defiantly keep readers reading.

  3. I like the flowers. They’re not open yet, not done, and neither is Liza–ready to empty the house, or move away for school.
    Is Pap’s wife the same person as Liza’s grandmother? For a minute, I thought they weren’t. Like when someone refers to a step-mother as ‘my dad’s wife.’
    Also, was Liza close to her grandmother, because the names give me the impression she isn’t. ‘Hey, Dad! …Hello, Mother.” If you meant that, then bravo!
    Definitely wondering about her reasons to stay. Three hours away isn’t too far to visit over a weekend, after all. It has to be a good one because she seems lovingly exasperated with her parents!

  4. Pingback: Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop: The First 250 Words of my New Novel, OPTIMAL RED | Jennifer M Eaton

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