Critique Blog Hop Week 8

It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

This week I’m returning to my highest priority work-in-progress – On The Surface. These are the freshest 250 from what I’ve managed to add to it over the past few weeks… my schedule just has not been kind to my creative side lately. These are also the (current) first lines of the second chapter. I’m considering changing the point of view for the story, as I feel it may be more powerful in the first person POV rather than third. Any comments or thoughts on that are welcome!

—-

Liza wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of cleaning up the house. It would undoubtedly be a huge task, and why did they have to sell it anyway? After all, the house was still filled with Pap’s belongings, and most of his wife’s. She just knew her mother would get emotional, and then her dad would become annoyed and the whole thing would go to hell. Just thinking about the impending hours in the old house was exhausting.

They pulled into the cracked cement driveway between the house and the garage. Liza couldn’t help but notice her grandmother’s rose bush was blooming beautiful, bright pink flowers. They were still somewhat closed, like roses that people get for corsages or in arrangements for special occasions. They weren’t exactly buds, but they still had some time before they would open completely. She sighed as they walked past the bush and underneath the overhang.

“I’m so glad you decided to stay home for school, Liza,” her mother said over her shoulder. “You’ll be able to help us get the house ready.”

Before she could stop herself, she rolled her eyes at her mother’s comment. Luckily, though, her mother was in front of her and wasn’t looking. She knew her parents had been nervous about her college decision, but they were not the sole reason she chose to stay home when she could have gone to the state’s best school – three hours away.

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Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

https://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

 

Critique Blog Hop Week 7

It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

HUGE thanks to everyone for the positive feedback I got on my rewrite from week 6. I really dropped the ball on critiques last week — but I also dropped the ball on overall blog maintenance altogether last week. What can I say? It was a rough one for me (but spring break is almost here!) I promise to make up for it this week!

Anyway, here are my next 250 words. This is two excerpts from a WIP where I exercised the double viewpoint narration strategy.  In order for it to make a little bit of sense out of context, I took 125 ish words from Character A’s point of view, and the rest from Character B. It’s a new technique for me, and it might be tough to get the gist of what’s really happening in 250 ish word chunks, but I’m going to try anyway! Thanks all!

—-

He was walking to material sciences when he saw her the first time. Dressed in a black skirt, a dress shirt, and heels, she strutted purposefully up the sidewalk toward him. She was carrying a notebook in her arm and a messenger bag over her shoulder. Her cell phone was clenched in her other hand, but she wasn’t looking at it. They were surely going to cross paths, but this time Trevor didn’t have time to think of the right thing to say. She was getting closer.

He opened his mouth and began to raise his hand to wave, but Aerin wasn’t looking at him. Rather, she was looking in his direction, but her mind was clearly elsewhere. Some things never change, he thought. Within seconds, she had click-clacked past him, off to wherever she was headed so quickly.

Trevor couldn’t believe it. Snubbed by a girl he hadn’t spoken to since sophomore year of high school.

She was late. Well, technically she was right on schedule, but in the journalism world, early is on time, on time is late, and late is… well, you might as well just go home if you’re late.

Aerin was en route to the top of campus, forced to walk after missing the bus outside the downtown office of the campus newspaper. And as she was walking up from the office, she failed to notice the boy coming from the opposite direction toward her. She drew in a sharp breath and exhaled quickly, sweat beading on her forehead. Why did this meeting have to be on the complete opposite end of campus? And her heels – they were not working in her favor at this moment.

Her phone buzzed in her hand. You at the meeting yet?… Was all she could read before the screen went blank again.

—-

Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

https://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

Critique Blog Hop Week 6

It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

If you read my contribution last week, then you’ll recognize this post. I decided to rewrite last week’s 250 words based on the feedback I got, to see if I could improve the scene. Any comment is welcome! And don’t forget to check out others’ posts, too!

—-

Cory engaged the parking brake on her car and removed the key from the ignition. She’d sent a brief “here” text message when she’d turned down his street, and usually he came out to meet her, but as far as she could see, he was nowhere in sight. It worried her.

It could only mean that he wasn’t having a good day, which meant nothing good for her, either. She shuddered as a memory of the last time she’d caught her boyfriend on a bad day floated to the forefront of her thoughts.

Cory lifted the red and gold embossed envelope from the passenger’s seat, clutching it to her chest. Maybe she would wait to share her news with him, she thought. It would probably just sour his mood further. But she knew if she didn’t tell him now, he’d probably hear it from one of their friends, which would make his disposition worse. After all, big news travels fast in small, rural high school circles.

She tucked the envelope safely into her bag and zippered it shut, absently wrapping her lanyard around her fingers as she exited the car. The keys jingled together as she walked.  Without thinking, she began swinging them in the air, letting the lanyard fabric wrap itself around her hand. The twisting and untwisting motions grew faster as she got closer to the door, matching the fluttering feelings in her gut.

She hesitated at the door and, after a beat, knocked to announce her presence. She knew his parents weren’t home, but part of her wanted to give Alex a warning that she was here, that he better get it together and chill himself out if he was in one of his moods.

—-

Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

https://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

Critique Blog Hop Week 5

It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

These are the first 250 words of another story I have tucked away on my flash drive to work on whenever On The Surface isn’t working for me. The genre is young adult fiction, and the general direction this story is going is that my main character is in an abusive relationship that she can’t get out of. It’s meant to be a sort of awareness bringer to the issue of teen dating violence. Let me know what you think!

—-

Cory pulled the parking brake on her car and pulled the key from the ignition. She’d texted Alex as she pulled into his driveway, and usually he came out to meet her, but today he hadn’t. It worried Cory.

It could only mean that he wasn’t having a good day, and Alex on a bad day wasn’t what Cory needed today.

She lifted the red and gold embossed envelope from the passenger’s seat, clutching it to her chest. Maybe she would wait to share her news with him, Cory thought.

She tucked the envelope safely into her bag and zippered it shut, absently wrapping her lanyard around her fingers as she exited the car, swing the keys from the shortened length. She let the swinging wind and unwind the fabric in her hand, the twisting motion becoming faster as she got closer to the door.

Cory knew she had an open invitation in the Latchko’s home. Alex’s mother always mentioned it. But she hesitated at the door and knocked anyway to announce her presence. His parents weren’t home, but part of her wanted to give Alex a warning that she was here, that he better get it together and chill himself out.

—-

Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

https://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

Great Tips for Dialogue From Meg Waite Clayton

My latest endeavor in the publishing industry has been to follow all the big publishers, agents, writers, etc., on Twitter. I absolutely love their tweets, and I wish I had done this so much sooner. I highly recommend it. Side note: I also love TweetDeck for following certain publishing-related hashtags, but I’ll probably post more about that later on.

Anyway, it was via @RandomHouse that I discovered this gem of advice for writing dialogue, as compiled by Meg Waite Clayton, author of The Wednesday Sisters, among other titles. She’s got a great blog full of great advice, not just on dialogue, so those of you working on your own stuff should definitely check her out!

Meg’s Blog: http://megwaiteclayton.com/1stbooks/

My Twitter List of Significant Writing/Publishing Entities: https://twitter.com/kmwehr/writing-publishing (in case you’re interested in doing the same!)

Critique Blog Hop Week 4

Here’s my next contribution to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

This is the next 250 words of On The Surface, my current work in progress. You can read the first 250 here. I’ll be getting around to critiquing others’ work tomorrow, too! I didn’t do such a hot job of that last week. :p

Anyway, enjoy!

—-

Her mother, brother and father exited the car, allowing the chilly, early April breeze to cool the car. Darren, her brother, assisted Pap in getting out of the backseat. His stroke had made it difficult for him to walk, and Darren was tasked with making sure he didn’t fall as they made their way across the uneven field to their grandmother’s headstone. Her mother walked along his other side.

“She still won’t come out here?” Liza heard Pap say.

“She will when she’s ready. It’s better not to fight with her,” her mother was saying, before Darren closed the door, cutting out their voices.

Her father carried a flower box, filled this time with pastel plants to signify the changing season. Pastels were also her grandmother’s favorite, Liza recalled.

It was April 3rd, and she would have been 79 today. They’d been coming here for the past three years, every holiday, birthday, and turn of the season, to decorate the flat stone marking the final resting place of Elizabeth, Liza’s grandmother and the woman from whom she got her own name.

Liza, however, had not been to the actual grave since the day of the funeral, three Februraries ago, when she was a junior in high school.

Also at the plot were her mother’s grandparents, and other relatives who had long since passed on, and her mother always liked to lay something at their stones as well. Liza looked out the window, concentrating on the American flags, while the rest of her family did their thing.

—-

Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/

http://www.mandyevebarnett.com

http://womanbitesdog.wordpress.com/

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com

http://threepiecebikini.blogspot.com/

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://writerscrash.blogspot.co.uk/

http://wordsbreathedupon.wordpress.com/blog/

Critique Blog Hop Week 3

Here’s my next contribution to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

This is an excerpt from something I wrote in college for creative writing class that I’m hoping to tweak and submit for a short story contest aimed at the middle grade/young adult audience. For the assignment, we were supposed to write something with a “twist” that our classmates wouldn’t necessarily be able to predict just by reading the opening. You’ll see what I mean if you read on. 🙂

It was quiet, but I was hyper aware of my body. Adrenaline was building in my veins like a kettle about to whistle. My breathing was steady and controlled, in through my nose and out my mouth, just like they teach you in gym class. My muscles were tense, and I was ready to fly at a moment’s notice.

A gunshot fired, echoing like an explosion in the sky. I took off as fast as I could to evade my pursuers. I heard their footsteps behind me like a stampede of lightweight horses, not pounding along the ground, but definitely running. I could hear their individual breathing as they got closer. I lengthened my strides, trying to put some distance between myself and my enemies.

The path ahead was clear. I pumped my arms for momentum, desperately trying to get away. The breathing grew fainter, and the footsteps faded somewhat as I charged down the backstretch. Now that there were a few paces between us, I could concentrate on my form. Shoulders back, hands relaxed and arms perpendicular to the ground. Lean forward ever so slightly, and keep a nice, even stride. And breathe, don’t forget to breathe controlled, even breaths.

I rounded the third turn and felt the wind cutting across my face. This was the worst part of the 400 meter dash. My legs were becoming lead, and my neck and shoulders were growing heavier with every step.

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Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/

http://www.mandyevebarnett.com

http://womanbitesdog.wordpress.com/

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com

http://threepiecebikini.blogspot.com/

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://writerscrash.blogspot.co.uk/

http://wordsbreathedupon.wordpress.com/blog/